"So now what…Your child was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder: A Compassionate Guide for Parents in Search of Support for Their Child with Bipolar Disorder"
Her: “Well, I just got the results back from the Dr.”, she said. My reply: “No matter what they are, you are loved and will be supported along the entire journey.” Her: “The doc said I have Bipolar Disorder and…”
Everything that came after those words faded and details became a muted whisper. I just knew, it was time for me to step up my parenting game again. Now what…
Introduction:
When you receive the diagnosis that your child has bipolar disorder, it can feel like you're stepping into an unknown world, one filled with questions, fear, and uncertainty. You potentially may find yourself lost in a sea of emotions, desperately seeking guidance and understanding. The love for your child remains unwavering, but the path ahead may seem unclear. Reading and getting answers help but can absolutely overwhelm you!
To support your research and feeling grounded in your own body so you can be a resource for your children, we will explore 3 simple tools for you and how it can provide the support you need to communicate effectively with your child.
Embrace Mindful Listening
Effective communication is crucial when dealing with your child's bipolar disorder, and mindful listening can be a lifeline during these challenging times. Here's how you can incorporate mindful listening into your interactions:
Seek a Secure Space: It's vital to create an environment where you and your child can talk openly and honestly. Remind them that their emotions are valid(and very real, especially if they are feeling them!) and that you are there to listen without judgment. By offering this safe space, you can foster trust and a stronger connection. If you are out in public and observe your child’s emotions beginning to escalate(or crash) immediately remove them from the area and go to a separate spot away from the area and let them be heard.
Be Present in the Moment: Amid the chaos and uncertainty, it's easy to get lost in your thoughts and distractions, especially in our current state. When communicating with your child, make an effort to be fully present. Put the phone down. Stop whatever you are doing and give them 1000% of your attention. Listen without trying to fix anything! Make eye contact, and show that you genuinely care about what they are saying. Ask for permission to hold their hand, make physical contact if possible(this helps to ground them in the here and now). This simple act can make your child feel supported.
Respond with Empathy: When your child shares their thoughts and emotions, respond with empathy and understanding. Let them know that you acknowledge their feelings and offer your unwavering support. Phrases such as "I can’t know what’s happening internally for you, but I can connect with the emotions you feel.” “Are you looking to me for guidance, or a simple shoulder to be heard?” or "I'm here for you, no matter what." Let your child know you are unwavering in your support. Again and again.
Cultivate Open Dialogues
Children with bipolar disorder often experience intense emotions and mood swings. Encouraging open dialogues can help them process their feelings and develop effective coping strategies. Here's how you can nurture open communication:
Use "I" Statements: Share your feelings and experiences with vulnerability, using "I" statements. For example, "I sometimes feel lost and don’t know how to support you when I see you struggling, tell me what you need in this moment, right here." I get concerned for your well-being when I see you choose not to eat.” This approach helps create a connection and a sense of shared experiences.
Ask Open-Ended Questions: Instead of asking yes-or-no questions, pose open-ended ones that encourage your child to share more about their thoughts and feelings. Questions like "Can you tell me what's been bothering you?" or "Tell me more about how that makes you feel?" invite deeper conversations.
Validate Their Emotions: Bipolar disorder can be incredibly challenging, and your child may experience overwhelming emotions. Regardless of the intensity of their feelings, always validate them. Acknowledging their emotions helps them feel heard and understood, even when you can't provide all the answers. Every emotion they feel is real to them. Telling them to “calm down” will invalidate their own sense of control and will more likely put them in a defensive mode vs. a connected and supported one.
Managing communications with breathing practices:
In the midst of a bipolar episode, particularly during hypomania, emotions can run high, and it can be challenging to find a sense of calm. Breathing practices can be powerful tools to help both parents and children navigate these intense moments. Here are three simple breathing techniques that can make a significant difference:
Deep Belly Breathing: This technique is incredibly effective in promoting relaxation. Encourage your child to sit or lie down comfortably. Place one hand on their chest and the other on their abdomen. Inhale deeply through the nose, allowing the abdomen to rise as they fill their lungs. Exhale slowly through the mouth, feeling the abdomen fall. This deliberate, deep breathing can help reduce anxiety and hyperactivity, restoring a sense of balance.
4-7-8 Breath: The 4-7-8 breathing technique is a simple yet potent practice that can calm racing thoughts and slow down the nervous system. Have your child inhale quietly through their nose for a count of four, hold their breath for a count of seven, and then exhale slowly through their mouth for a count of eight. Repeat this cycle a few times until they start to feel a sense of peace and control returning. Please keep in mind holding breath, for some, can feel less than helpful if there is an anxious moment in the process.
Mindful Breath Observation: Sometimes, simply paying attention to the breath can be grounding during a hypomanic episode. Encourage your child to find a quiet space and take a few moments to observe their breath. Ask them to notice the rise and fall of their chest or the sensation of the breath passing through their nostrils. The act of mindfully observing the breath can redirect focus away from racing thoughts and provide a sense of stability.
Remember, these breathing practices aren't just for your child; they can be useful for parents too. When both you and your child practice these techniques together, it not only helps manage hypomania but also strengthens your connection during challenging moments.
By incorporating mindful breathing into your communication and coping strategies, you can create a more empathetic and supportive environment for your child with bipolar disorder. These practices are not a cure, but they can be invaluable tools for finding moments of calm and connection amid the storm of hypomania.
Learn more connection tools to create a more compassionate relationship with yourself and each other by joining one of our “The Connection Course” week training experiences!
Seek Professional SupportWhile your love and support are essential, it's equally crucial to seek professional guidance. Therapists, psychiatrists, and support groups like Nami can provide invaluable insights and strategies to help both you and your child.
About the author:
Jodi has been an integral part of Connection Coalition, a trauma informed outreach organization since 2011 as a Board Member, Volunteer; Executive Director; Programs Manager and Volunteer wrangler. She has built communities, facilitated transformational training experiences, retreats, yoga teacher training and public speaking engagements. She lives in the NorCal area surrounded by fur, family, and as much nature as possible!